New Year's Lament That Ends Well (ok, sort of)

In the final hours of the final day of 2015, I cried my last cry of this hellish year as I faced ringing in the New Year very sick and by myself. How did this happen? I might have a clue.

This year 2015 came in quietly enough. Gently enough. It wouldn't be long, however, before the bottom would begin to fall out. The foundation would start to crumble and the ground we walked upon would grow shaky. Not just for me, but for my family, friends, neighbors, community and the world in which we live.

This year 2015 brought many firsts. Some exciting, positive changes and some very unwelcome deviations from what I thought, prayed and hoped was possible. The Evanescence  lyric: Feels like the weight of the world/Like God in heaven gave me a turn/Don’t cling to me,  I swear I can’t fix you/Still in the dark, can you fix me? plays in my head. I feel the weight of these unwelcome deviations as they pull me down.

This year 2015 kept me on my toes and in a constant state of fight or flight.  To cope, I kept moving. Otherwise I would have to face myself, the stillness, discomfort and all that had gone wrong.  Then, in the last month of this year, God’s infinite wisdom prevailed and I crashed. Slowly at first. As if I might recognize what was happening. This was not to be. When I returned from my annual trip to Michigan’s Upper Peninsula to celebrate Christmas with my family, I was sick. S-I-C-K, sick. Too ill to visit my sister who is facing her own health issues.  Too ill to phone a friend. Too ill to do anything. And, on New Year’s Eve no less. I was in dire need of reflection, release and renewal.

One of the best ways to accomplish a mind, body, spirit release and renewal is an old-fashioned Epsom salt bath. Hot as you can stand (unless you have a medical condition, then please don’t do it!) and mixed with baking soda which of course I cannot do because my urine report revealed that I have toxic levels of aluminum (as well as other metals) present in my body and taking up residence in my brain. Yes, heavy metal poisoning. Again. How naïve was I to think this couldn’t happen again?! Thank you, MTHFR. Thank you, suppressed immune system. Thank you, exhaustion.

Instead of baking soda, I mixed the essential oil copaiba in my bath to quell pain and suffering and lit a candle that illuminated a selenite crystal for clarity of mind. Both the water and the selenite crystal clear the auric field and physical body of accumulated negative energy. As I lowered myself into the ancient bathtub, every muscle screamed but I drowned them out by fully immersing myself into the steaming water. As I soaked, I allowed the events of 2015 to appear before my eyes like on a movie screen. Then the tears fell … into the bath water like acid rain tinged with the deep melancholy of loss. As I cried this last cry, I began to see the events of 2015 unfold as they pertained to my sisters, son, mother, family, friends, neighbors, community and the world in which we live. The sadness intensified as I saw how little I could do to help knowing that each of us has a personal path to mind, body, spirit healing.

It wasn’t pretty, but it did help me realize that I was crying not only for myself but for all I knew and loved. That’s a hell of a lot of tears. As I closed my eyes I heard:

If you are grieving the loss of a loved one, I cry with you.

If you are grieving the loss of love, I cry with you.

If you are grieving what might have been, I cry with you.

If you are grieving the loss of a job, I cry with you.

If you are grieving the loss of your home, I cry with you.

If you are grieving your sense of purpose in this world, I cry with you.

If you are grieving the thousands of lives lost around the world, I cry with you.

When I was all cried out, I called in the Angels and began my prayer of gratitude. I thanked God for all that I accomplished professionally this year. Opening the holistic center was a dream fulfilled by faith and hard work. I expressed gratitude for my family, friends, neighbors, community and world in which we live. I flipped the sadness of 2015 on its ear, doused it with Thieves oil and watched as the released physical, emotional and spiritual pain circled the drain and disappeared.

I’m still alone (and feeling like a paska - it's Finnish - look it up!) but I’m not lonesome. Longing for what might have been expends too much energy and I have precious little to spare. Good-bye 2015. I shall learn from you but not miss you. 

Welcome Light. Welcome Love. Welcome Peace. Welcome 2016!

Many blessings to all!