A Visit From Jesus

I know. That's a pretty provocative title. But, since it is the Christmas season, sharing this crazy dream seems apropos. 

The dream takes place in the Rockland United Methodist Church. Not the new beautifully rebuilt church, but the older church, the one where my sisters, friends and I grew up attending (and sometimes skipping) services, Sunday school, confirmation, weddings, funerals, baptisms...all the major milestones of life. Sadly, that building burned to the ground some years ago, but it left an indelible mark on our hearts and minds.

Rockland United Methodist Church

In the dream, I was visiting Rockland after being away for a long time. The church had new life breathed into it and rocked the vibe of a mega church. The organ in the corner reminded me of one you might see at Tiger Stadium, the decor was decidedly upbeat and secular, the energy was palpable and, of course, the feature event was slated to be a light show. Instead of pews, individual theater style chairs were placed in rows and I was sitting in the middle of the section, to the left of the sanctuary in front of what was known as the choir loft. Over the din, a booming voice instructed the full to capacity 'crowd' to turn their attention to the seemingly empty choir loft. As we watched, a laser light show ensued. An intense beam of light streaked through the church to the center of the choir loft and burst into a holographic image of Christ on the cross with sparkles of colored light falling all around him.

Ohhhh, heaven help me, it was all so cheesy. I could hardly stand it, but the congregation was digging it so I tried not to cringe too much. Next, our Lord and Savior shimmied off of the cross and appeared in the aisle as his holographic self dressed in street clothes circa 1960-something. He proceeded to walk down the aisle smiling and waving to everyone.

"Ohhhh, for the love of Christ, he's going to stop and talk to me," I thought as I totally regretted my choice of an aisle seat. Sure enough, when he got to my row, he stopped and looked me right in the eye. He gazed at me rather lovingly and asked, "Do you believe you are healed?" Well, I wasn't having any of this spectacle and refused to answer the hologram. He was not to be denied, so he persisted. He gently touched his right index finder on the middle of my throat chakra and traced the tip of his finger up the length of my throat, under my chin causing me to look up at him. I was helpless and forgot he wasn't real and answered a very feeble, "Yes." Then, he stretched out his arm and pointed across the aisle to someone in just about the middle of the section and said, "Well, then, do you believe she's healed?" 

Without looking, I knew immediately who he was pointing to: my sister Karlyn who just happens to be dealing with chronic Lyme disease. Not wanting to block the full manifestation of the healing of her mind, body and spirit, I answered in the strongest most convincingly honest voice I could muster, "YES!"

In one swift movement, past all of the people in between us, he was at her side. They were having a conversation I couldn't hear. She looked happy. Then I woke up.

And, that was that. Except that it wasn't. I couldn't shake the imagery of the dream or its possible ramifications. I shared this dream with my sisters who all thought that it was a truly amazing dream on all levels. From a symbolic standpoint alone, it's all good:

Methodist = a methodical, analytical, practical, no-nonsense aspect of you.
Church = spiritual beliefs, ideas and morals you have established; your spiritual life, philosophy or state of mind. It may symbolize religious rhetoric or dogma, old, discarded beliefs and impressions, depending on your feelings about the church. 
Right, index finger = right side symbolizes your male aspects, left side symbolizes female aspects. Index finger represents authority, direction, judgment or accusation. Either making a point or pointing to a solution.
Light = generally denotes enlightenment. As this was a laser light beam, i.e. a stream of light, this could symbolize God's light, guidance, protection or the presence of an enlightened being.
Jesus = human aspect of Divinity, salvation, healing (!), consolation, blessing and positive outcomes.*

As I reflect on the symbolism of this dream, I see it as a gift, a sign and a promise for my sister's complete and miraculous healing. To interpret the dream any other way is a missed opportunity! We have prayed without ceasing for her healing and placed her on prayer chains of every denomination and spiritual philosophy. It is my belief that these prayers are answered and healing will come to my sweet sister on the wings of angels. Or, in form of our protective, loving Dad. Maybe he'll visit her in her dreams and say, "Straighten up, fly right and get better already! And, oh, by the way, Happy Birthday, my Lovely Dove."

Yep, that would be just like him.

*Dream symbols from The Mystical, Magical, Marvelous World of Dreams (no, I did not make up that title!) by Wilda B. Tanner

Tell Me Who Are You? (Who, who, who,who?)

Here we are well into June and it's been two months since I've last written. When I started this blog, I vowed to write weekly. Weekly! It seemed so doable. I was so naive back in January.

The upside is that things at Silver Birch Integrated Holistic Healing & Consulting have picked up nicely. Better than nicely. These past months have presented me with an abundance of growth and gratitude. Thank you kindly to my clients who are my daily dose of inspiration.

This month marks the four-year anniversary of my Dad's passing. I realize I write about that old fart a lot. Truth is I miss him like crazy, and writing provides a means for me to feel closer to him. Today's post isn't about him entirely, although he does play a supporting role.

Karlyn. Kamela. What's in a name?

With The Who's Who Are You? playing in my head, I wonder what makes us who we are? What singular, initial event early in our lives is of vital importance in shaping who we are? Is it, for better or worse, the influence of our parents or siblings? Maybe. Somewhat. What I really want to know is, are we our names? I tend to believe that we are who our name implies we are even though this is not good news for me. I have railed against my given name my whole life. Not my 'first' given name, mind you, my 'second' given name: Kamela. The name just never felt quite right, and I wasn't having it. At the time, I wasn't sure if anyone heard my cries of mental anguish at having been so obviously wrongly named.

Until one day...

Right around the time I was 12 years old, my Dad had had enough of my complaining. What compelled him to (finally) right this egregious wrong and take action, I will never know. Nevertheless, something stirred deep within the man and he told me to get in the car because we were going to the courthouse to change my name.

Oh, hot damn and hallelujah!

I got dressed in my favorite outfit. Ok, I don't know if that happened, but I sure hope I took the time to get gussied up for the almost occasion. I say almost because we almost made it out of the driveway. I was giddy with delight thinking about my new name and what this change would mean for my future successes when suddenly the hammer came down. As I was listing my all time favorite names...Marsha, Jan, Cindy...my Dad interrupted me with, "Ah, Kammi, none of those names begin with a K."

"Yeah, so."

"Well you know your mother said your name has to begin with a K like the rest of your sisters."   Note: I have four sisters all whom have the initials KDM. Precious.

"Then I choose Kay."

"That one is already taken."

"That's the only K name I like."

"You can't have it."

This conversation went on for some time; however, my Dad was not a patient man so he put a stop to it. I was dumbfounded. Bewildered. Mad. This was my chance and I was blowing it. Yet I heard myself say, "If I can't be Kay, then I don't want to do it."

"Then you had better never bitch about this again. Ever."

He went into the house leaving me in the car to contemplate my fate. What was I doing? Why didn't I choose Kathy or Kate? I coulda been a contender!

That was the end of that, and I spent the next three decades of my life in direct conflict with what everyone called me. Until about four years ago.

My Mom gave my sisters and me our baby books. Being the fourth of five daughters you can imagine how scantily annotated my book was. It was a good effort, but you could tell my Mom was kind of over the whole baby book notion. I scoured my book for hidden truths about myself. Turns out my first expression was, "I see." I don't think I meant the "I see a bird" kind of seeing. I'd like to think I meant a thoughtful, eye narrowing "I see" as I peered deeply into our dog's soul using my powerful intuition and keen sense of The Sight. On the other hand, I may have meant, "I see" as in "Yes, and how does that make you feel, Mollydog?"

I found the real treasure tucked in a pocket at the front of the book. It was a small, hand written card. The type of card a nurse would slip into a slot on the front of a baby's bassinet in the hospital nursery so that passersby would know the child's name and who the proud parents were. Not a big deal at first glance until I realized that it did not say Kamela. It read Karlyn. What? That's my younger sister's name. How can this be?  I knew it! I was misnamed! Oh, let the questions begin.

My Mom had actually forgotten this bit of mistaken identity. She said that since they hadn't had a boy by baby four, she wanted a name that was a part of my Dad's name (but with a K): Carl. Oh, good Lord, that's not even HIS name. His given name was Douglas. Anyway, I was named Karlyn for "all of 10 minutes" as my mother explained it. Then this conspiracy between my Grandmother and my two eldest sisters went into full swing and, lo and behold, I was renamed Kamela.

This was foundation rocking news for me. I felt vindicated, validated and victorious. What, pray tell, was I going to do with this life-altering information? Sadly, there was nothing much to do. It was anti-climatic. I sat on it for a while. I pondered every possible meaning:  Does it change who I was? Who I am? Do I feel different? Am I different? I felt confused. So like any writer, I had to put my feelings into words and onto paper in an attempt to fully comprehend the matter.

Naturally, I wrote a limerick styled rant:

         There once was a babe named Karlyn for 10 minutes, I clocked it.
         The nurse slapped a label on her cradle, and rocked it.
         But the Angels stepped in, and said, "Not this little Finn."
         And they put the name in a box for five years and they locked it.

Is the naming, misnaming, renaming debacle over? Not on your life!
I still really wanna know...

         Well, who are you? (Who are you? Who, who, who, who?) 
          I really wanna know (Who are you? Who, who, who, who?)
         Tell me, who are you? (Who are you? Who, who, who, who?) 
         'Cause I really wanna know (Who are you? Who, who, who, who?)

Listen UP

Dad & me

My dad spoke to me in a dream.

Although he transitioned nearly four years ago, I dream of him regularly, eagerly.  At the time of his passing, the veil of dementia cloaked his knowing. Fortunately, he maintained the memory of those of us who were close to him and those things that occupied his daily existence. He was able to feign understanding and to the uninitiated, it was believable. However, anyone familiar with Alzheimer’s Disease recognized the vacant look, the absence of connection and lack of comprehension. He conjured up old memories and reminisced about days gone by, however, most often; he spent his days in the now. He taught us all how to be in the moment.

And, he became a better listener.

No longer mired by the rigors of fatherhood, earning a living or other such tasks of the middle aged; he was able to slow down.  There was nowhere he had to be nor was there anything he had to do in the usual sense of daily living. The rhythm of his day and the cadence of his speech followed suit. He had go-to topics on a loop. Meaningful conversation became elusive.

So I became a better listener.

In the dream, he was a younger man and not at all ill. He was working at a job he hated, but not the job he loathed in life. He, like many other men in Michigan’s Upper Peninsula, spent his days deep underground in the copper mines. In the dream, he was exhausted and plopped down on our living couch. I didn’t want to ask him what was wrong, but felt obliged to make the effort. I, too, was younger  and the scene reflected our relationship from long ago. I saw that his hands were bleeding so I went to him reluctantly and knelt near his large lounging body.

“What’s wrong, Dad? Why are you doing a job you hate? And, why are your hands bleeding?” I  asked.

Without responding to my questions, he posed his own:

“Do you know what I want, Kammi? Do you know what I really want?”

“No, I don‘t,” I answered truthfully and thought, Whew! I can just get him whatever he wants and he’ll feel better.

“I want people to listen to each other. I mean really listen. Then when they speak, I want them to mean what they say,” he told me with great seriousness.

My dad didn’t speak this way. In life he would have said, “Measure your words.” Or, at the very least, “Open der ears.” Apparently, one of my sisters used this phrase as a child when she wanted to be heard. He liked repeating it. Maybe it struck a chord with him.

When I woke from this dream, I knew it was significant. I thought about the many ways I’ve been making a conscious effort to become a better listener, an active listener. I had a lot of practice actively listening to my husband, son, family, friends and clients. Knowing that everyone has a story to tell and that deep down everyone desires to tell it, listening became a mission. We all want to be heard, but how many of us want to pay attention?

As I practiced better listening, I mean really listening, I realized I got the active part right. The monkey mind was caged, yet it was still rattling around. Even though I was focused and tuned in, I was still thinking. These were not rambling thoughts of what to say next or what to do later. They were more like waves of unformed thought. Then I remembered what I learned through my Reiki training: Stop trying so hard. Be in the moment. Let go, let God.

Open der ears. Open der mind. Open der heart. 

Maybe the message from my dad is that when it comes to listening to others, there is always room for improvement.

Meaning what I say ... well, that’s a topic for another day.

Rolling in the Deep

As much as I love Adele, and do I ever, this is not about her Grammy sweeping album. This is about a force of a different color.

Another force to be reckoned with, our family Shaman, recently made my sisters and me an offer we couldn't refuse. Our Shaman offered to come to my sister's home with the intention of conducting an ancient healing ceremony  that would send packing the Lyme Disease she's been battling for over two years.

It gets better. Our Shaman agreed to let me and two of my other sisters assist in the ceremony. We are all Reiki trained and have been part of many different forms of healing from various traditions. None of our previous work, however, prepared us for all that would transpire on a sunny afternoon in our little sister's living room.

We went rolling in the deep of our sister's psyche.

Following our Shaman’s marching orders, preparation began weeks before as we set out to create a Star Quilt. First, we researched the long and exquisite tradition of the star quilt in Native American culture.

“The Star Quilt has been a part of Native American tradition and medicine for hundreds of years. It is a symbol of the Morning or Dawn Star. Star Quilts have been used for beauty, warmth and healing, and is even a very important part of many Native American Ceremonies."   www.nativeamericantrade.com

Suomalainen tahti huopa

We are of Finnish descent so it made sense that we take this honored tradition and make it our own. We gathered special pieces of fabric, pins, patches and buttons belonging to our ancestors, and sewed these on to a beautiful yellow blanket. With clear intention and love in our hearts, we fashioned the star from an apron once worn, almost threadbare, by our beloved Nana (our maternal grandmother). Quite appropriately, said apron now belonged to the sister who was at the center of the healing. 

Next, we chose a pocket lapel from our father's flannel shirt, a ribbon from a crocheted ‘something’ created by his mother, beads from earrings gifted from our mother and photos to represent our grandfathers. I should note that the plan is to add mementos to this blanket over time making it a veritable work in progress. Creating the Suomalainen tähti huopa was a deeply meaningful experience for us, and one we will treasure for years to come. The three of us finished sewing late into the night, and when we finished, we covered our sweet, sleeping sister with her very own Star Quilt and bid the night ado.

The next morning we prepared our special foods for feasting after the healing ceremony. At our Shaman's direction, we made an alkalizing, detoxing salad comprised of fresh kale, parsley, cilantro, carrots, and chia seeds. Never one to follow a recipe, I coerced the girls into adding cucumber, regardless of the cuke's therapeutic properties, it just sounded yummy. The salad ingredients were chopped with tenacity of purpose, mindfully mixed in a beautiful crystal bowl, and topped off with lemon, ginger and maple syrup dressing. Later the greens were served with a hemp protein drink chaser.

Our Shaman arrived with her gear, and like a Sherpa loading the backs of pack mules ready to head up a holy mountain, she loaded us up with her bags and paraphernalia. As she unpacked her sacred items, we, too, unpacked objects that held spiritual importance to each of us. We carefully placed all of these in a circle on the floor:  crystals, stones, pendulums, singing bowls, chimes, drums, shakers, candles, family photos, a mustang replica, copper from the Upper Peninsula of Michigan, a map of Finland and our Nana's copy of the The Kalevala. While we're not entirely sure why each item was included, we just knew it was a splendid idea at the time. Significant, even.

The ceremony itself is a sacred event and most likely not something to share in a public venue; however, I can tell you this: it was powerful. With the sisu of her Finnish Noadi predecessors, our Shaman guided us through each level of consciousness and shepherded us through auric fields of dreams. If you've ever had the opportunity to be part of a healing ceremony, you know the amazing work that transpires. As they say, it's a journey (in every possible sense of the word), and we are most grateful for the health-giving energy and blessings our sister received. Kiitos Jumalalle.

Intuition + Truth = Better Health & Wellbeing

Truth is a beautiful thing. Even more so when the truth is spot on and you feel it in every fiber of your being. How do we recognize and trust this authentic reflection of ourselves? My sister and I discussed this question at great length. We compared and contrasted our thoughts on situations and circumstances in which we knew with complete certainty that we were standing on the hallowed ground of our personal truth. It is in this space that healing begins.

Speaking your truth is crucial to releasing energetic blockages in the throat chakra.*  It is also an important step toward manifesting physical healing in this particular energy center. Physical ailments pertaining to the neck, thyroid, jaw, teeth or mouth all correlate to the throat chakra. Therefore, learning to tap into your intuition and rely on this knowing to communicate your inner truth maintains an open and healthy chakra energy flow. What does this feel like? When you are in the presence of your truth, you feel grounded and balanced in knowing that come hell or high water this thought, this deed or these words are right on. It is unwavering, but it is not stubborn. You feel anchored, yet beautifully connected to the guidance of your better angels; humbled yet inordinately grateful.

In a dream I had recently, I possessed a beautiful, lustrous piece of lapis lazuli, a stone I've long been attracted to. Swimming in a sea of cobalt blue was a golden oval (pyrite). Typically one doesn't see the pyrite quite so yellow or pronounced as it was in my dream. As dreams contain messages from our subconscious mind that help us in our waking lives, I was obliged to pay particular attention to this image. Pyrite is a healing stone and provides protection. Nice. Lapis is a stone for inner truth, inner power, intuition and manifestation. Both the stone and its color correspond to the throat chakra aiding in self expression, and you guessed it, right speech. Perfect.

As you begin to discern how your own truth feels, this sensation (whatever it is for you) will become an 'a-ha' you recognize straight away. Use this gift to learn to trust your intuition. Ask yourself in any situation, "Does this feel right?" When you call upon your inner knowing and draw the same conclusion (I feel at peace, I feel calm, I feel all is well), rest assured dear one, this resonance is truth. Your truth. 

*Quick Chakra Overview:

The word chakra comes from the ancient Sanskrit meaning "wheel" and is commonly referred to as an energy center. There are seven major chakras that relate to the endocrine system on an energetic level. When the chakras are open and functioning optimally, each spins in a clockwise direction attracting energy on its specific vibrational level. Other people can actually feel your unique vibrational pattern as they come into your auric field. The chakra collects energy, processes it and releases or absorbs it. On a good day we experience this flow of energy exchange in a pleasant way through our senses: sight, sound, touch and intuition ...  provided our chakras are open and rotating. A blocked chakra, however, may lead to disease and may also warp our perceptions and suppress our feelings.  --Excerpt from Reiki I Manual, written by Kamela Torvinen, November, 2011.

2012...a big year, but what does that mean?

So here we are already well into the second week of January in this new and exciting year, and riddle me this: who's feeling it? The 'it' I refer to is the shift we've all heard so much about that is slated to occur over the course of the coming year. What do you suppose will actually happen on the Winter Solstice in 2012? Will it truly be the end of the world as we know it in accordance with the record keeping of ancient civilizations? Like most of you, I've done a great deal of reading about what this might mean and the more I read, the more I think it's just like everything else in our spiritual journey: it's as Individual as it is Universal.

Is it more fiction than fact? Will we see evidence of the shift in our physical world? Or, will it be an inner shifting...of beliefs, of patterns, of direction, or priorities. Since we're all in this together, it might be helpful to monitor our inner and outer worlds together. Creating a dialogue about where we are and where we're heading can help shed some light on the spiritual journey each of us is on individually and collectively. Let's say you're working on a recurring, very difficult issue in your life (could be finances, relationships, career, you name it) and up until this point in this year, the situation hasn't altered. Oh, maybe the situation has improved or worsened over the years (decades!), but all in all, if you averaged out your progress, the issue remains the same. Why so stuck? Perhaps we may be able to discover what's gotten us so bogged down and how we shift from being stuck to moving forward.

Shift Happens

 

Is this the dawning of the age of Aquarius? Maybe. In the 1960s when the counter culture was in full swing, this was the beginning of the collective transformation. Drugs and free love aside, these people were not just on something, they were onto something. Love was all around which was no coincidence. As we fast forward to 2012 we understand that the Beatles had it right: All You Need Is Love. More and more of us are expanding our consciousness to a greater awareness that shifts us from fear based belief systems to a truly heart centered way of life. In this space we are encouraged to discover not only unconditional love of self and others, but also the discovery of our heart's desire. That is, our potential and why we are here in the first place. The Mind, Body, Spirit awareness that is so incredibly mainstream these days is part of the shift. This wholeness of self expands to the wholeness of our existence with all living beings on the planet and how we may serve each other. It's quite simple really. We were born at this time and in this place to be of service to others.

What is our greatest service to each other? When faced with any momentous change, struggle and fear abound. Those who are truly stuck in their ways as well as their mindset may have a challenging time letting go of old patterns that no longer serve them on a spiritual level. In this time of no soul left behind, we all have an amazing opportunity to assist all of humanity in making the shift. Individually, as you raise your vibration, (ie your consciousness), you in turn help to raise the consciousness of each and every mind. So your greatest gift to every man, woman and child is the development of your own consciousness, your awareness and your spiritual energy.

A Few Ideas

To kick start your own inner shifting, a basic understanding of the Law of Attraction can go along way here. It's been watered down and maybe even misinterpreted over the years, but that doesn't make it any less true and usable This is evidenced by the many books and blogs on the subject of changing thought patterns from negative to positive to manifest your destiny. "All thought creates form at some level." --Marianne Williamson, ACIM, therefore, any thought you put out there comes back to you in the same way, shape, or you guessed it, form. So it is in your very best interest to put out thoughts that are nurturing, affirmative, precise and in the present tense. My sisters and I learned a technique last November called One Command. It is yet another way, similar to EFT, for shifting thought processes from negative and future tense (I am so confused, I'll probably never figure this out) to positive and present tense (I don't know how I know what to do next, I only know that I do now, and I am fulfilled). There are many ways of arriving at positive thought. Any technique worth its salt will help root out the negative thought patterns that are so deeply entrenched that they feel as real as any vital organ. But, they are not real. Negative thinking is our dark side, our shadow side, the side that is fearful of everything especially the Light. This is where the work begins.

I'll be suggesting books, blogs or articles on the subject of the shift to help us navigate the changing waters of 2012. I'll also suggest techniques, meditations and exercises that help put all of this theory into practice.  At some point, we have to put down our reading and put our plan into action. There is no shortage of excellent books on the shift, and the one I read a while back tells it all in the title:  The Shift: The Revolution of Human Consciousness by Owen Waters. This book speaks of the shift as the spiritual and creative awakening of humanity.

Please share any suggestions you may have.

In the coming year, may you be well, may you be at peace, may you be compassionate, may you be of service and may you love and be loved. My best to you.